Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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