I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
