The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
