OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
