well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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