my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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