Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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