the condom got lost in my hair
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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