Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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