it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
