The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
