You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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