i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
