The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
