Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
