Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
