he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
