I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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