she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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