I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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