My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
