I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
