did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
