great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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