How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
