Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
