why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize
