She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
