i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
whose ass print is on the piano?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
