fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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