I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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