This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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