you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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