I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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