after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
