sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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