If i come over, it means nothing
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
