I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
