how hairy? two words: wookie tits
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
