its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Even my vagina gasped.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
