I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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