wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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