Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
