My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
