i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
