Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
