Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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