Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
