last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
