He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
